Friday 31 May 2013

Sunday, 11th December, 1836

Oh my giddy aunt! What a disaster of a day!

Early this morning great excitement at the sight of Cape Chatham, the first land seen of the new country. Great to do with chronometers and maps and the like.

But all this paled when I discovered that the Proclamation for the new Colony - the one Stevenson gave me a week or so ago for safe keeping - was missing!

I asked Adams if he knew anything about the thing and he claimed ignorance. However, he did say that he had seen Mrs Hindmarsh at my strongbox only a day or so ago.

Well of course. If there's trouble the devil must be involved.

I spoke to Mrs Hindmarsh and asked if she knew anything about some papers that were in my strongbox. And yes, naturally, she did know about them.That creature from the deepest pits of Hell, that foul, vicious bundle of claws and teeth, otherwise known as dear little Tinkles, Mrs Hindmarsh's cat, needed something with which to line his litter tray and Mrs Hindmarsh had found some old papers to tear up.

God above! Tinkles has pissed on the Proclamation!

The rest of the day I spent retrieving bits of paper, cleaning them off and piecing them back together like some child's puzzle. By the time I had finished I had most of the thing in order, although a few sentences, including, I am sad to say, a rather uplifting quotation from Lord Glenelg, were so badly stained with ordure that they were unreadable.

Fortunately I had a few sheets of the same paper Stevenson used to write his original and I think I managed a reasonable facsimile of Stevenson's hand so that I might just get away with this deception.

Still, the thing is done and barring one or two points I have had to redraft or simply leave out (thanks to Tinkles. And as an aside: What have we been feeding that cat?) we have a Proclamation once again. Not exactly the Proclamation that was intended, but close enough, I hope, to fool the Commissioners.



I need hardly add that already I have only to sneeze out of turn and Fisher looks at me with all the warmth he might normally reserve for a maggot that just unexpectedly crawled out of his salt beef. So what he would say if he learned that the cat shat on the Proclamation I fear to think.

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