During the morning Mr Gouger and some jumped up surveyor with what was clearly a high opinion of himself called Something-or-other Kingston came aboard and gave a great puff to Colonel Light's opinion of the land he had chosen. Gouger gave us intelligence of splendid land, plenty of fresh water, & the prospect of an excellent location. Whats-his-name Kingston kept claiming the credit which was amusing for the first five or ten minutes, but became tiresome after that. The conversation went like this:
Gouger: There is splendid land for all.
Kingston: I found it!
Me: And what of land for crops?
Kingston: I found some excellent land for crops.
Me: I see. And water?
Kingston: I found some water
Gouger: Light says there is plenty of water.
Kingston: I discovered three creeks myself.
And so on... and on... and on ... Me, me, me, I, I, I. I can't help feeling sorry for Light having to work with the little bugger and I was glad to see the back of him as he headed ashore in the boat with Gouger.
After lunch - served with Sauerkraut - which I hoped - in vain as it turned out - would be the last Sauerkraut I should have to eat in this life for quite some time - we wedged Mrs Hindmarsh, Scoop Stevenson and the Fisher clan into one boat and Mr Moneybags Gillies, Charlie Howard and sundry others into the second. Unfortunately for Gillies and Howard we had time to get the donkeys out of the boat, where they have been lodged for some months, but not time to clean it afterwards, so they were not overly comfortable, or indeed clean. In the third boat the marines were lodged along with the ship's officers.
We came ashore at the mouth of a particularly smelly little inlet (made all the smellier by Gilles and Howard bringing the odour of donkey poo with them). Several crewmen carried us through the waves to dry land. One of the sailors who carried me I think had been at sea rather too long as he was very free with his hands. Mrs Hindmarsh, I should note, seemed to make no such complaint.
We were met on the beach by Gouger, Thingumy Kingston and several others and proceeded to Gouger's campsite. The glass stood at over 100 degrees which make a hike through sandhills a trial, especially in uniform and many, especially the ladies, suffered greatly. Mrs Hindmarsh particularly felt the heat and was left quite speechless, so the hike was not without benefit.
At length we came to Gouger's tent, which he had set up beneath a strangely bent tree. Speaking of strangely bent, Mr Gilles had clearly had a few jars and was in a jovial mood. I am told that this jovial mood indicates about seven or eight drinks. Between eight and ten drinks he declares his love for his fellow man and tries to give away all his money. By the time he gets above ten he begins to turn morose and maudlin. Above twelve and he becomes angry with everyone.
Hoping to get out of the sun we entered Gouger's tent. As we entered he smiled and said "My home is yours!" When we got in there - good God! - it could have been anybody's!
If he knew we were coming he could at least have picked his old underwear up off the floor. A pile of unwashed clothing lay on his camp stretcher and we were all forced not to notice a copy of "Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure" lying open on the pillow. And having to move three or four day's worth of dirty cups and plates out of the way was not what I expected at all! Moreover, I'm not sure what Mr Gouger has been eating of late, but the air was, shall we say, rather thick.
Still the oaths were administered, the Order in Council produced and a Government declared. A sticky moment as I produced my rewritten Proclamation for the Council to agree upon. The look on Stevenson's face as he read it suggested that he realised something was up, but he couldn't quite work out what it was. He did mutter something about "Can't read my own writing" at one point, which was true since it was mine, but otherwise my forgery passed without comment and was agreed to, much to my relief.
We then addressed the assembled colonial settlers, some few hundred of whom had gathered beneath the arch of the tree. Gilles appeared and told me that he loved me, then gave me a gold sovereign which made me wonder where he had the stuff stashed. I suspect he had a bottle of whiskey in a knot hole of the Gum Tree.
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| The Proclamation |
Stevenson then read the Proclamation to the assembly, once again with a quizzical look, and there was cheering all round. The marines fired a salute with their muskets in what I was later told was intended as a "feu-de-joie". In fact the first volley was such a shambles I instructed them to do it again "and damn well do it properly". It was a degree improved the second time, but in truth it seemed to me like an court case waiting to happen, such was the marines lack of recent firing practice. Still, after seeing that no-one was injured we raised the ensign and the ships in the Bay fired a salute.
At this point Whats-a-name Kingston then insisted that all who so wished could repair to his tent for a cold collation. "I'll only have the best. Only the best" he kept saying. The little toady. He promised us Hampshire Ham which I couldn't help feeling might not be of the freshest since it at been at sea for months and was sitting in the sun all day. What-you-may-call-him said that the ham was "dressed", which I took to mean that he'd cut off the green bits. And by God and thunder he served it with none other but Sauerkraut! So there I sat, for form's sake, eating slimy ham and salty, slimy cabbage.
When I was certain that this sumptuous repast was staying down I made a little speech telling them that "they had all done very well" and then offered a few platitudes about "pulling together" and "a shining path lies before us" and so on - the usual twaddle that people so love to hear on occasions such as this. Then, duty done, I sat back to observe the proceedings.
Gilles became progressively more maudlin and as the afternoon wore on the Marines discovered a cache of porter left behind by the Tam O'Shanter. Those marines can certainly put it away and I am afraid that many of the colonists, who not four hours before had been exhorted by me, their Governor to "conduct themselves on all occasions with order and quietness, duly to respect the laws, and by a course of industry and sobriety, by the practice of sound morality, and a strict observance of the Ordinances of Religion, to prove themselves worthy to be the founders of a great and free Colony." hit the sauce pretty hard and got pretty rowdy with it.
Those of us of the better sort decided that retiring to the Buffalo might be prudent before some orgy broke out.
As we left Mr Gilles was offering to wrestle anyone in the crowd for 10/- and a native had set fire to some nearby bushes and was driving sparks into the sky which, said Mrs Fisher, had all the appearance of a fireworks display.
Thinking about it later I can't help but feel fireworks be damned and that the native was in fact trying to drive us all out with smoke and flame, hoping that, being strangers, we might all just go away.
And I must say that as I left for the Buffalo I took the opportunity to survey those I am required to govern and to be honest, if the native was attempting to drive us out then I can see his point. At times I wish they'd all just go away as well.
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