Sure enough, at three o'clock exactly the servant entered and announced Miss Leopoldina Concepcion Iphigenia Branquinho. I bid him show her in and within a few moments the woman undulated into the room, wearing a dress of the most unseemly nature, with a fur covered muff, jewels dripping from every vantage point and a hat that sat high on her raven black hair, covered in what appeared to be fruit.
"Ah, Governor 'indmarsh," she purred, "So kind to take me into your 'ome."
I invited her to sit and she did so, ignoring the chair I gestured towards, sitting next to me on the chaise longue.
"Now, Miss Branquinho, you mentioned that you needed help from me," I said.
"Oh Governor, I beg you to take me!"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Take me with you to your new colony! If I stay here in Rio my life is not worth 5 reis."
"But why?" I said, all innocence.
"It is a delicate matter," she said, coyly, "involving the wife of a man who... Well, Governor, would it so surprise you to learn that I have had, oh how do you say it in English? That I have had... Boyfriends?"
"It would hardly surprise me at all," I said.
"Governor, some of these boyfriends have wives and some of these wives are jealous. And some of these jealous wives have angry brothers. Do you understand me?"
" I believe perfectly. But Miss Branquinho, I am afraid I am unable to assist. My vessel, the Buffalo, is a small ship, with barely room on board for a couple of extra donkeys. To accommodate you, your , I imagine, extensive luggage, your fans, your jewels, your dango, your vegetative millinery, would be impossible. Sadly I must decline your request."
For a moment she appeared downcast. Then suddenly, as a breeze changing direction, her mood altered. She threw herself at me.
"Then stay here with me. Oh Governor! Can you not see what I try so hard to tell you in my own foolish way! I love you! I cannot live without you!"
"Really, madam! Please!" I tried to peel her from me, but she was like an amourous barnacle.
"Do not deny me! Governor 'indmarsh... Or may I call you 'Indy until I learn what your first name is? 'Indy! Be mine! Stay here and colonise me! I will be virgin territory"
"You flatter yourself madam! Cease this foolishness! I cannot acquiesce in this transpontine melodrama! Desist at once and if you have nothing further to say of any sense then bid me good day!"
She stood silent for a moment and then tried another tack.
"You are right, Governor. You must forgive me. Here, let us drink together as a mark of our friendship."
And so saying she pulled a bottle of wine and two glasses from out of her muff.
"Let us toast... eternal friendship!"
She pulled the cork and poured two glasses of claret. As she did so she spilled some of the wine upon the table.
"Oh Governor, do you have a cloth so I can wipe away this spill?"
I turned to find a cloth, but in the mantle mirror I saw her flip open the top of the large cameo ring she wore and pour a strange white powder into my glass.
She wiped up the spill and cried, "Come, drink with me!"
I paused.
"Is this a French wine?"
"Why yes, I believe it is."
"Then thank you, but I shall not indulge. French! I would prefer an Italian Chianti or a German reisling rather than taint my palate."
And with that she played her last card.
"Oh you are cruel! Too cruel!"
And so saying she threw herself to her knees, tore open the bodice of her dress and produced, from God knows where,a long stilleto.
"Oh cruel seducer! Would you have me plunge this dagger into my heart? For I will end my life rather than smirch your reputation!"
"Speak sense woman!" I snapped.
She spoke with increasing urgency, not to mention volume.
"Yet think of the scandal if the world knew I carry your child!"
It was at this point that my wife chose to enter the room.
Barely pausing to take in the scene she gave a cry of "Libertine!" and came down like a wolf on the fold.
For a moment I feared for my life at least, until I heard the voice of Eden Hammond, who had followed Mrs Hindmarsh. With a few words he calmed my Boadicea and suggested that Miss Branqhinho was the real source of the trouble,
We left the women folk to settle their differences and removed to the parlour, where we poured large glasses of brandy. Hammond assured me that British marines surrounded the house and Miss Branquinho would not escape.
I assured him that after my wife had finished settling her differences Miss Branquinko would be in no condition to escape.
"By the by," said Hammond, " your donkeys will be delivered tomorrow."
I nodded. Those donkeys would cheer Mrs Hindmarsh considerably.
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